I see you! Te veo mi Negra Linda!
I grew up loving the sound of my mother saying, ‘ven mi
negrita bella’, to me. Now that I know what racism looks like and feels like
both externally and internally, I reach for the tone in my mother’s voice every
time I have to hear it with the tone of, and this N…
As a Black woman I have come to understand that speaking my
truth in whatever tone I am using comes with the stigma of being aggressive and
difficult. I have also come to
understand that other Black Latina women who have not done their work or ignore
their history see me as a trigger and lean on the tone of the N word. This is my
ongoing song which gets highlighted when standing before a situation where not
only your gender but the color of your skin is under attack.
I recently had a conversation with the young men of the HIS Project
about the use of the N word. They were trying to explain to me why it was
different when you say it with gga vs gger. We went back and forth and most
came to a place of understanding my position.
What made the difference was me sharing some of my incidents
when the word in both English and Spanish comes with a negative tone.
I shared my most recent incident with the group. I was in a
convenience store in the community. The person before me was speaking to the
attendant in Spanish. I then got to the counter and followed suit. As she rung
up my items she kept looking at me in amazement. It was a look that I know came
with wonder and negativity. I was thinking, well she has not said anything so
this situation will be different from many others, too many to count. As she
finished the look matched her words as she said, ‘A pero tu eres bien Negra y hablas bien el espanol.’ I looked
at her and said to myself, ‘hoy no,’ not today.
The young men got upset because they understood the tone I
was referring to. I then asked them what do you think she looked like, they
called out every shade except my own or darker. When I said to them, she was my
complexion they were stunned.
To ease what they know was my pain they said, Oh Ms Yvette
but you know you are so Afro centric that you confuse folks. We know, but not
everyone knows or gets it. The entire conversation on the use of the word
shifted for them when I shared my experience.
When the word ‘Negra’ comes out of a Latino/a, who is
clearly looking at me with the, ‘that N… tone’ it rips the rug from under me
every time. I have to make the effort to regroup and pull myself back together.
I then wrote in my notebook and shared on my Soulful Afro page, Momentos como
estos, tengo que hablarle a los ancestors en voz alta. Y la Abuela de Ella
donde esta?
As the cases of violence against Black men continue to hurt
our every being let us not forget that Black women are also on the receiving
end of violence.
I am not Dajerria Becton from McKinney, Texas or Tanisha
Arnold and the 14 other women who have been killed during Police encounters.
I am a Black woman when in speaking up for her rights or for
those I care for, without raising my voice, or doing anything that most think
would justify such an act, been called
the N word with a look that the next act will be a physical act. I have been
called Negra in Spanish with the tone of ‘esta N... quien cree que es.’ That lands
like a jab on the heart.
The stereotypes directed at us are real in all the spaces we
stand in. We constantly have to defend ourselves. To see folks reach for all
those stigmas that are directed at us when the police officer was overusing
force in the McKinney case was almost like hearing them say, That N… Esa Negra!
Now with twitter we can create hash tags and have everyone
jump on the bandwagon but that hash tag has been alive and kicking for me and
many of my sisters for years. We have been saying MY Life Matters as does, all
our lives. When we are greeting each
other at the beginning of a meeting we say, ‘I see you’ because we know most of
the time, most do not see us.
Let us pause and not re victimize the victims of this
violence. Let us have the courage as the young men of the HIS Project did to
see a truth that they are not taught outside of this space. Let us remember the
victims of violence. Let us be courageous enough to say, she should not be
thrown down on the ground in such a violent way, PERIOD.
In a few weeks I will be joining over 200+ women at Cumbre de
Lideresas Afrodescendientes de las Americas/ Summit of Afrodescendent Women of
the Americas. I look forward to saying out loud, I see you, Te veo mi Negra
bella, with the loving tone that was directed at me by my mother.
Being a Black Latina woman who does not hide her love for
her Africanness, her Blackness has not been an easy journey. What I share here
is nothing in comparison to what I deal with most days. I get to write about
it, talk about but I want to remind you that many of us do not have that
opportunity so when you read this, think of them.
Our cry is also we are human beings and we deserve to be
treated as such when you reach for the N word or Negra as if we are less than,
remember that.
To my sister, my hermanas, I see you every day, yo te veo todos los dias, mi
Negrita bella.
In light and love,
Yvette
