Do not Underestimate the Power of These Words, “I See You.” Part 2

 

Blackness Rising familia,

It has been some time. This reflection kept showing up which is a sign to share. In preparing to post it, I realized it carries the same theme of my last post. Something to reflect on.

Happy Tuesday! Enjoy this rising song.

Peace 

Yvette 

I recently got back from another grounding and rejuvenation time home. Home where birds sing in the morning, lifting the spirit. Where the sunrise overflows your soul with gratitude and the energy of who and what I love surrounds me and I get to exhale.

People have been stopping to compliment my skin. I say thank you and share my simple routine. One of my elders said, “Your skin looks fresh.” Another one said, “You did some deep cleansing.”

Yes, fresh in the way the sun kisses my melanin at home. It does bring forth a fresh face. Yes, cleansing from all of Melsa’s and Soledad’s recipes. My body feels much better as I move forward in my healing journey.

Then there are 3+ weeks where I did not have to explain myself. I did not have to explain why I spoke Spanish. I did not have to explain that I was from Colon, Panama. I did not feel the stare of hate just from my very presence in a space. I did not feel the attacking energy on my Blackness. 

Why? 1. Everyone in Colon looks like my family. 2. We don’t deny our Blackness. 3. There is racism but it doesn’t carry the weight of hate in the same way. 

This is why my skin looks so fresh. I get to be ME.  I look and feel like my full self when I am home. I then get to bring some of that back to Boston with me while doing my very best to extend it. With the state of humanity in the world and in this country at a low point, this becomes intentional.

All this to say, to be seen, truly seen in all your complexity, your light, your love, allows you to exhale inside and out and yes, my skin is confirmation of that profound moment. 

Let us start a new practice as we head out to work and all our summer activities. Take a moment and really look at those you love and care for. Let them know, I See You. I can confirm that you will hear, see or feel that exhale that says, Thank you, I can breathe.

I see you community! I see you Black people! I see you Africans in the Diaspora! I see you Colon!  I see you Boston!  I SEE YOU!

peace, love and light,

Yvette 'Lepolata Aduke Apoukissi' Modestin

To Be Seen

Blackness Rising! Greetings familia, hope everyone is well and in good spirits. 

I have been keeping my reflections close to the heart but in these times of many uncertainties, I felt that this reflection was one to share. 

To Be Seen may sound simple. I have been meditating on that statement for weeks. Part of the reason for sharing this reflection is, my spirit needing to extend the vibration of what happens when you are in that moment. The definition I am moving with, ‘The feeling that the person is fully present in your exchange and nothing will distract that vibe.’

During my recent time home, I was reminded of this soulful act. That feeling that you are, as a friend says, ‘tapped into’ the person in front of you. That feeling that you are not alone and your light is being received.

While speaking to an elder, I thought he was staring. I quickly checked myself when I realized he was not.  What he was doing was being fully present.  His eyes said, I hear you, I see you and I am here with you. That grounding act is not the norm in today’s society. I felt my soul exhale. It felt familiar in the most joyous way. 

The invisibility in Babylon is real. We are in a perpetual state of fighting for our lives. I fight to be seen as a black woman, a Panamanian, a ‘Latina’, a smart and capable black woman, an educated black woman, an engaging Immigrant, a dedicated worker, an athlete, an artist, a dancer, a loyal lover, a committed activist. This is just a short list. The fight becomes, as Maman Joyce put it, “being accepted and seen as a Being.”

My time at home served many purposes. It gave me what I needed and more. It mirrored back to me what I know best and how my soul moves when everything, body, soul, mind, spirit, heart, and movement is synchronized. 

I walked away marinating in this thought, ‘What a beautiful thing when our minds are not distracted and we can be fully present.’ When it happened the second time I said to myself, I want to do that more often. I understand and know love because of that truth. I give thanks for the reminder. 

Another exhaling moment came while spending time in Portobelo with my dear friends Soledad, Tattu and Gustavo, I shared my new HairStory Project initiative, #MyCrownSpeaks. While painting with Gustavo, Tattu went to create this painting that speaks to his interpretation of My Crown and the project. Once again, I felt seen and heard in the most loving way. To be seen on canvas, landed on the heart. The painting will now be the logo for the project. 

The other truth in this reflection is, A few weeks of not having to explain why I am black and speak Spanish is good for EVERYTHING. Oh Colon, you are my spirit's sacred place. This is one of the many reasons I call you home.

I know I have had these moments with my intimate circle, my family, my Black Soulful village and I didn’t appreciate it enough. I am glad that these reminders allow me to pause and reflect. To all those who stand with me and hold me up I say, thank you. I appreciate you.

Multitasking is a must in today’s world. Yet, my wish is to practice this act of being fully present both in my personal life and professional spaces every chance I get, with the hope of creating more moments for my soul to exhale. 

The sweetest truth of this vibration while we continue to wear masks to protect ourselves and our community is, the eyes tell a beautiful story. 

With this soulful reminder comes a reenergized spirit, a grounding soul and an awareness to hold onto my light as best I can. The other is to pause more often to see all of you.

I think all our souls need that moment, that moment when you are seen and you see the fullness of others.

To all who have taken the time to read this short reflection, I see you.

in light and love,

Yvette/Lepolata 

 

How Will We Emerge? What will We Create?: Leading with Love

How will we Emerge? 

What will We create? 

Art is Art

I use my pen to paint a different picture 

Can we Emerge with Love?

Genuine, unconditional Love

Will we extend a hand without needing to receive?

Just give because the heart says so. 

How will we emerge? 

What will we create? 

Will it spark the revolution that our soul searches for? 

Will we use what we already have to keep winning on this journey we call Life? 

How will we emerge? 

I want to love the way I want to love, 

To be free in my want to Be, 

No judgement,

Just me Rising in my birth given light,

Loving Blackness

Being Blackness 

Shining Blackness 

How will we Emerge? 

Life is short, Will we stop playing the ‘game’? 

Say what you wanna say, 

Do it with good intentions.

How will we Emerge? 

What will we create? 

Will we stop finding excuses that carry no moral gain? 

My pen will regain comfort in its fearless cry. 

My heart will slow down to feel the words.

How will we emerge? 

What will the new normal in our community look like? 

Less exclusion, 

More truth, 

More from the inside, 

Less from what you show through materialistic eyes.

Will we see each other? 

How will we emerge? 

What will we create? 

Creative healing, 

Living spaces, where we address conflict as a place of growth. 

How will we emerge in this world with fear at a high pitch? 

Racism on full blast.

How will we emerge? 

What do you believe in? 

Can we find a common ground? 

Strengthen self 

Teachable moment 

Authenticity 

Show up! 

Will we be healthier spiritually and mentally? 

Will we move with more heart? 

Will we listen to spirit? 

Our ancestors prepared us for this,

Will we hold each other up? 

Will we begin to stand in our truth fearlessly? 

We already know why. Now the question is, what will we do about it? 

How will we emerge?

 What will we create? 

How will we Rise in these unpredictable times? 

What will we learn? 

My spirit needs movement,

My skin needs the sun.

How will we emerge? 

What will we create? 

Hopeful! 

Will we touch gently? 

I want to smell the scent in the air,

I want to walk barefooted on the grass.

 Con movimiento,

 Azucar! 

I am going to hug you tight,

I will love hard and Unapologetically.

I love you.

Te quiero.

How will we emerge? 

What will we create? 

Will Babylon win? 

Standing in light with the vibration of the ancestors 

We will create a just society 

We will rise up in our Jah given light.

We will emerge champions of our future.

We will create everything that rhymes with Love.

How will we emerge? 

What will we create? 

Many questions,

Now is Our time to answer collectively.

What is your answer? 

How will WE emerge? 

Today I am emerging with you in heart and mind Creating a space for us to build a world that sees us Together. March 17, 2020

I began writing this poem at the beginning of the pandemic because I immediately started to realize that we as a people and a society did not have a road map, a plan for what we were about to experience. I was flooded with internal and external questions. Two key questions, How will we Emerge? What will We Create? showed up with ease. I found myself posing the questions and answering the questions as the shelter in place was extended. Living in these unprecedented times and as we closed out the year and welcomed 2021, I went back to it with the hope that the disturbance of 2020 would be somewhat lifted and that 2021 would be a healing time for all.

One of the greatest lessons learned in 2020 was to Trust the Process. Trust the pain that you are feeling and that it will move through you. Trust the joy. Embrace it. Trust the love. Trust the resiliency. All of it, with the hope that you will land on the side of the light.

I have new answers that I will use to guide me, a Black woman in this world, in 2021. I learned ‘A Lot’ in 2020 and look to continue on this journey in 2021.

Here is 2021, How will I Emerge? What Will We Create? Remix 

I am emerging stronger in Self

More clarity

More focus and dedication to my Blackness, to the Black women I love, to the Black men I love.

I am emerging more committed to my purpose.

I am emerging with an understanding of what it means to deeply love and be selfless in that love.

I am emerging seeking, searching, learning and growing.

I am emerging with a greater understanding that we are one with nature and we need to care for it. This truth highlighted my loc journey.

The importance of movement. My athletic discipline has been a part of my movement since I was 8 years old when I joined the Colon Track Team and continues to be a part of what keeps my mind, body and spirit healthy. It also grounds me and clears my mind. 

I have created something dear to me. I have a created a sense of safety and rituals that lift and ground me

I am emerging with an understanding of why it was so easy for me to loc my hair with the knowledge that my journey was to land saying, Jah Rastafari, that moves beyond my locs.

I am emerging not wanting to follow what people do and embracing my revolutionary spirit in doing it the way my ancestors would want me to. In a way of fearless freedom that shows up in that doing.

I am emerging loving my parents and being in love with my parents for now I have a greater understanding that what they showed me, what they gave me, what they fed me, what they told me is what sustains me.

I am emerging giving thanks to the man, my father, that took that baton, did it his way and we turned out ok. :)

Loving him in all his perfection and imperfections, I emerge seeing how Melsa has cared for my father that keeps him Rising up. Gracias Melsa!

I am emerging doing the work because it is not work, it’s purpose. It’s an extension of why I get up, Blackness Rising, helping me on days when it was a struggle to do so. I learned that it is bigger than me and they placed me on this road because they see something in me. The light that they shine upon me as Yvette Marie Modestin Durant,Lepolata Aduke Apoukisi, Empress Modest-I is the light that I will lean into you in this new year. Love is at the center of it all. It is my guiding force.

I look forward to you joining me on this journey.

I share with you my first painting of 2021, One with Nature. 

Also, my storypoem  'An Ode to Mi Corona' for our new project The HairStory Project. 

 

VIDEO LINK: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LLjb5MsqN-Ni6OT8XV8zsLgNwAWAsfpz/view?usp=sharing

Love, peace and light

Lepolata

To Be a Black Woman in Babylon

To be a Black Woman in Babylon 

Bless Up!

Part of not blogging as much as I did in the past is because there is so much going on. Everyday there is a new fight to face. The issue is not new, the response is not new, yet facing it today in these times, pushes you to figure out a new way to keep rising when your skin and your humanity is under attack.

Breonna Taylor landed heavy because we know when we step outside we have to be vigilant because nothing feels safe right now. To be in your home, inside you sanctuary, safe space and be killed tells us, we are not safe anywhere. Just like Treyvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Eric Gardner and Jacob Blake to name a few, we find something derogatory about the victim and we re-victimize them to justify our inability to name the depth of the racism and anti-blackness before us.    

However you want to justify your inability to see us in our human light, we know Babylon has never made amends with the damage done to those who look like me.

To be a Black Woman in Babylon has meant to be overly sexualized and stigmatized in such negative ways that makes your heart hurt. Knowing this truth prepares you, sadly, to not be surprised at the outcome of Breonna’s case. Knowing that truth tells me, that my life’s mission and purpose is to prove you wrong.

As much as that truth hurts, we are still rising believing in our strength and resiliency. We are still pushing back on all the negative stigmas that you dump on us. We are still smiling and dancing with joy because that is within itself, a form a resistance.

Yes, dancing, singing and creating is my way to tell you, I will not take living for granted and I will not give you the power to stop me from living a joyous and fulfilling life.   

Blackness Rising is not just a hashtag. It is my daily reminder to love up on my people because I am not waiting for you to do it.

As I dance and write through the pain of the injustice in the decision of Breonna’s case, I will keep saying her name and repeating over and over again, Black Lives Matter. Doing that is not a lack of recognition of other lives. Doing that is putting out into the universe and the world that you have not made amends, you have not repaired the damage done to those who rise up in Blackness. Until then, Black Lives Matter. Las Vidas Negras Importan. 

Rest in peace Queen. I will keep Saying your name, Breonna Taylor.

In light and peace,
Empress Modest-I 

My Unforgettable Moments on the Tennis Court

Grand rising! Giving thanks to Saturday mornings on the tennis court in Rainbow City. #thebegining

It’s US Open time so I am leaning into my tennis light as I share this reflection. I was 8 years old running around the neighborhood that rooted me in my Black and Proud identity, Colon, Rainbow City. I learned to play tennis  from one of the best tennis players in Panama, Mr. Loney.

Mr. Loney was this bright, dark skin, Jamaican descendant man. He loved the game. We loved the game because we were on the receiving end of that love. Saturday’s at the Rainbow City’s tennis court was the best. So many of us in that uplifting neighborhood learned from Mr. Loney. This was a family affair. My father, sister and brother also played tennis.

I went on to play in high school. I made the Jr. Sr. High School team my freshman year.  I was coached by one of the women who taught me that sports teaches you life’s lessons, Coach Rankin. I then had Mrs. Shank. (In the picture) I was part of a team with some of the best female athletes at CHS. Vannia Evans and Traci Kramer, may she Rest In Peace, are two women who pushed me to be a better all around athlete.

Tennis then turned into something different when I came to the US. When I made the tennis team in college, the racism I faced messed with my game. I was not prepared to defend myself as a tennis player and a racially profiled black woman on the court.

After my freshman year, I went home that summer to clear my mind and reconnect with my style. The style that made me fall in love with the game. Mr. Loney was still around. That summer, before I went back to school I spent hours on the court, playing with folks I grew up with in Rainbow City. It was hard work, fun and love all wrapped up on this tennis court full of beautiful black faces.

I went back sophomore year and had my best season for many reasons. One reason, Mr. Loney’s trust in me and my game. He knew I would find my way back. Second, I now knew  that being a black immigrant woman in this country will be a daily struggle and it shows its ugly head on the tennis court.

On the tennis court you are there on your own pushing through every shot. So yes, these are some crazy times and yes, I will keep pushing through, leaning into Mr. Loney’s light reminding me, you got this.

And yes, every black woman on a tennis court faces that duality every time she steps on that court. The expectations to be a good tennis player and all the negative stereotypes placed on the black woman that show up. This is why the incident where Serena fought hard when the umpire called her a liar, I completely understood her anger. This is why Naomi wearing her mask with Breonna Taylor’s name makes absolutely sense. #SayHerName And let’s not forget the policing of our bodies. The fight to be who you want to be, to be seen in your human light, extends onto the tennis court.

So today, Hats off to all, from Althea Gibson, to Vannia Evans, to Serena, to Naomi who show up, Black and Proud. Way to go Queens! #TennisPlayerForLife #ColonGirl #C3 #Love #light #UnapologeticallyBlack

in light and peace,

Yvette Lepolata 

In the struggle for justice is the hope,
Loretta J. Williams

August 2019 Born Day Celebration

 

 

 

August

 

Born day month. It is all about celebrating another run around the sun. I do this in one of my favorite places, the Inkwell, Martha’s Vineyard. For the past five years, I retreat in the space surrounded by water and be. I love it!

June and July 2019 Celebrating Afro Latinas

 

 

 

June and July

 

I was still on my Nubian Butterfly high in June. It was a regrouping time yet holding on to that light that showers me when I am home.

 

July 25th is the anniversary of my mother´s transition. It is also the Afro Latin American Diaspora Women’s Day. A day to celebrate women of African descent that came about in 1992 at the first gathering of the Red de Mujeres Afrolatinoamericanas, Afrocaribeñas y de la Diaspora of which I am the Diaspora Coordinator.

 

The day is always with emotion. I feel my mothers presence in the most loving way on this day. It’s like she intentionally shows up for us to celebrate her with funny stories and wonderful memories. It’s funny that my sister, brother I rarely share the same story.

 

Celebrating women of African descent feels right on this day because I start with the one that birthed me.

For the 4th time in Boston we celebrated the day with a Boston City Council resolution. It is a day of acknowledgement, truth and love. The first one was done by Chuck. The second one was led by then City Councilor Tito Jackson with full Council support. The third was led by Councilor Janey and this year was Council President Andrea Campbell. Every year keeps getting better and better. Wilnelia Rivera was our keynote this year. Hermana nailed it!

 

The day started in Boston years back when no one knew the term or what it meant. I was showing up everywhere speaking on it. I was ignored, dismissed, isolated on many ways for speaking this truth then and still to some extent today.
 

This year one of our speakers was now elected City Councilor at Large Julia Mejia who is the first Latina, Afro Latina on the council. How far we have come! Now the term is known, feared and less and seen more. It has become fashionable to many and those of us who don’t have the option to come in and out, it is our daily affirmation.

 

It is deeply appropriate that my Loc anniversary lands on this same day.

Check out my reflection, My Antenna: Loc journey. It has been a journey of grounding self, spirit, thought and movement. It speaks to me, guides and me and even disrupts my own missteps.

May 2019- Home is where the Soul Beams

May 2019

Home is where the Soul beams 

Those who know me know that everything feels complete when I am home. My Panamanian spirit is always present. I move with that light, I think with that light, I love with that light. To go home and share the adult that I am today, the poet, the activist, the storyteller, the woman I am made for some soul tapping moments. 

I was invited to be a part of the Etnia Negra, Africa en America events. My poetry book, Nubian Butterfly: The Transformation of a Soulful Heart was released. My book is dedicated to my dad and although he could not make the events, he was with me every step of the way. All my soul kept saying was, they see me at home! 

Another high and grounding moment was my alone time in Portobelo. This space lifts it all. To share with my Portobelo family grounds me in a love that is difficult to describe. This has become a must when I am home. This is my #SacredSpace 

I don’t think I can find the words to describe what it felt like to share with students at the university, to share space with those who I admire and who inspire. In a short space of time, I shared the Unapologetic Black woman I have become with the love and guidance and those in Boston and those around the country with those who feed and inspire my every move. The journey and all the sacrifices that came with it, felt complete. 

Here are a few of my journal entries throughout the trip.

May 30th- The official day at home. I closed out this special time at home walking in the streets of my home town, the city that shaped, the city that taught me Black resiliency. To do holding the Rastafari flag with the Rastafari community was extra, extra special. 

May 28th - Sharing my #poetry with students, listening to their poems and spending time with the future generations of #poets and #activist was a highlight during this special trip. The future is in good hands. 🙂

May 26- My love affair with these streets, these beautiful #Africans, #BlackLoving people, runs deep. Every moment about today is why I will continue raising its name up high. It’s not the visual that makes it, it’s the heartbeat of an unbreakable soul. Thank you to Tío Nini, Sistren Fyah Love and the Rastafarian community for making this day extra special. Proud to walk with you. 

I will return to Boston with a reminder of what keeps me Rising Up above it all and the deep love that I come from. I am and will continue to be because they Are. One Love 

#AfricansInColon

May 21st- On the eve of the release of this project of #love and #transformation, I give thanks to those whose shoulders I stand on. Thanks to my father, sister and brother for their ongoing support. Gracias, to Sr. Luis for believing in my words and putting this together. Marlon, for the beautiful cover. Gracias to Gustavo for the back cover. To my mentor, the man who fought for Black History Month, Gracias Sr. Claral Richards. To Mr. Winston, thank you for believing in me. To Usha Mayani and David Cabrera, this could not have finished without your support. To my friends and supportive circle, thank you. 

My soulful heartbeat  is in these pages. I look forward to sharing more about this journey tomorrow. I can’t find the word that best describes what it means to have it released at home. #love #light #transformation

MAY 21st - Her support and patience made this possible. This is our first in person meeting. She is everything she has been throughout this process, a true genuinely kind spirit. Gracias Zinnia! The book is beautiful! #journey #transformation #poetry #poesia #expression

On my return on May 28th I wrote this - On my way back to Boston. I will do my best to hold on to the loving and uplifting energy of my family, this sisterhood that feeds the spirit while leaning on the supportive energy of those who join me on this journey. Corazón contento! #MiTierra #heartbeat

Miren esta belleza! #Panama- Memoria: Festival Africa en America. Felicidades Alexandra Schjelderup por los cuatro años del festival y por esta bella memoria. Gracias por incluirme, no solo en el libro,  pero también mi voz como activista y poeta Panameña. Link para ver el libro completo.
https://issuu.com/jehanshanel/docs/maea_ff__interactive_

March and April 2019

March 2019

This was an uplifting month. Hanging out in Harlem with two of my favorite people in the world was priceless. Paola, Lidice and I walked around and took it all the black love in the space. We spent time at the Schoomburg Library and had a delicious southern meal for lunch. We were in NY for the 63^rd Session of the UN Commission on the Status of Women and Girls.

This would be another collaborating year with Sistren Imani who always includes the voice of black women from Latin America and the Caribbean. Our panel was called, Reckoning: The Visible Invisibility of Global African Women.

This year we had our new RMAAD General Coordinator my dear hermana Paola, our Central American coordinator, my dear hermana Lidice and our fearless Brazilian coordinator who on the main floor the day before called out the Brazilian government for having a role in the murder of Marielle Franco. It was powerful! We shared our truth which left folks in awe of a truth they did not know of.

March also placed in my space that always confirms the importance of our work. For the past few years I do an ‘Unmasking identity’ training with the young women of the CHICA project. We always laugh, cry and leave grounded in the freedom to embrace our full identity. It keeps getting better! Looking forward to next year.

April 2019 

April 2019 

April 2019

April was a month of balance. The first event of the month was about love and arts. Bunker Hill Community College had an event celebrating my poetic mentor, Baba Askia Toure.

I have been blessed to follow Baba Askia around, sit with him and learn about his scholar activist and poetic journey. He has shaped the way I approach poetry. I was honored to share this out loud with others as we celebrated him. It was truly a treat to read to him and to share the impact he has had on me that goes beyond poetry.

Thank you Baba Askia for all that you do and for taking the time to share your wisdom with me.

The month ended with what I am calling, ‘Renaming the Narrative’ moment. I was invited to be the Keynote speaker at Harvard University’s Afro Dominican Association Inaugural event, “Afro-Latinidad: Exploring African Heritage in Latinx Cultures.”

For the first time with great intention I spoke publicly or distancing myself from using the term, Afro-Latina. I have arrived at this place after many years wanting to be seen in a space that would never see me because it leans on whiteness and highlights white supremacy. I know why I will use it politically and when I will use it but it is not the term that best describes my journey or who I am as an individual. I posed it as a question and a challenge to other speakers, How many of you can say, Black, Negro, African and not hyphenate it? Many had to pause and reflect on the question. By posing the question and thinking about it, then you can move closer to answering the question, what table am I working to be invited to and why?

It was wonderful to share the space with many of the younger voices of the movement. I left grounded in my ‘unapologetically black’ light and hopeful for the future of the movement.

Here is a wonderful piece written by one of the presenters at the conference and one of the reasons I am very hopeful that our truth will be told. Gracias Janel! Much admiration!

https://remezcla.com/features/culture/when-it-comes-to-latinidad-who-is-included-and-who-isnt/