SITTING WITH TRUTH-DEDICATED TO MY PAPA

Sitting with Truth- Dedicated to my Papa

We can only be true writers if we completely surrender to the coming together of the pen and paper in the deepest moments of pain.

This article was sent to me numerous times this week. All I kept thinking with a heavy heart, Did my Papa experience this?

In sharing this, I know I run the risk of creating more isolation from my white Zonian friends/classmates and also from my Black Zonian friends/classmates. Yet I truly believe that for us to really know each other and see each other without the blinders on, we need to know and acknowledge this truth. Those friends/classmates, who have been paying attention and have engaged, know the movement of my pen comes with good intentions, intentions to heal.

Being a “Zonian” carries a different meaning for me from that young carefree girl. Mi Papa, family and community mean the world to me.  To ignore their journey that allowed me to move in and through spaces, is, to not honor them. It would also mean not accepting, that who I am today is a product of these painful moments along the way.

They say, the truth will set you free. This truth brings us closer to saying, Privilege? Yes, but at what price? Today the answer is, the price of my grandfathers and the many others well-being?

I will take this moment to answer a question that keeps presenting itself. Yvette, will you go to the Canal Zone Reunion? Answer, Yes, I want to see my classmates, coaches, teachers that I care about dearly. No, because I do not want to spend days being reminded that my Canal Zone experience was not the same as yours. No, because the map of Rainbow City, Paraiso, Pedro Miguel and Gamboa are still not visible. When they are, then I will know that you will include our truth at the risk of seeing a painful truth of a mindset we elevate as paradise.

Thanks to The Silver People Heritage Foundation and Lydia Reid and to all who kept sending this to me.  It made me pause pay attention and take it in.

I took it in,I shared it and I close saying, thank you Papa, I love you!

In peace and with the light of a Silverman,

Yvette

 

The silver people heritage on back punch

This blog is dedicated to the restoration and preservation of the little known but significant contribution of the West Indians in the culture and history of the Republic of Panama. The “Back Punch” February 2, 2010 tags: Jim-Crow-in-the-Panama-Canal-Zone, Medical-Apartheid-in-Panama, non-consensual-medical-treatment, The-Back-Punch The spinal tap as requirement for processing their retirement papers became known in Panama by the Black Westindians as "The Back Punch." by Lydia M. Reid Of the many practices carried out by the Panama Canal Zone administration in regards to the men of the Silver Roll probably one of the most questionable and the least investigated is the notorious “Back Punch.” It consisted of requiring the black Westindian men approaching retirement age- or 25 year service- to sign a release or consent form as, basically, a condition to processing their retirement applications from the Panama Canal Zone and submit to a dangerous spinal tap. It was one of these back-door types of policies that in no way was supposed to be “required” of the black workers but that in order for them to receive their long awaited pension, this medical procedure had to be “agreed to.” The Back Punch, as it became known throughout the Westindian community of working people, was the process of drawing spinal fluid from these tough, hard working and loyal laborers who, despite institutional obstacles, Jim Crow hurdles thrown in their path, low pay and rigorous working conditions, were still strong in their sixties and seventies and many even in good health and vigor. Apparently, the Canal Zone authorities were perplexed by the extraordinary vigor and virility of the Westindian men who in no way seemed to exhibit any problems with their vitality and sexual health. They wanted to probe the secret of this mysterious source of strength and somehow tap it for “scientific” reasons. That they turned a profit from uncovering this secret along the way never figured into any plans to improve the living conditions of the black Canal Zone population which made up the vast majority. It turns out that the samples from these potentially risky and painful spinal taps were promptly sent from Panama to The Tuskegee Institute where they presumably underwent screening until they were re-sent to a laboratory in Switzerland- which one is still a mystery. Right about this time Tuskegee was also the site of the infamous Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, the longest lasting experiment testing the effects of untreated Syphilis on uninformed and non-consensual subjects which lasted from 1932 to 1972. By “non-consensual” in the case of the Westindian workers on the Pan Canal we refer to the implication that the workers were really not in agreement with this “requirement” but that if they wanted to receive their long awaited retirement pension they would have to submit. The aftermath of these experiments is now common knowledge but the revelations point to the kind of “medical apartheid,” a term coined by author Harriet Washington in her revealing book “Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present,” that was part and parcel of the Jim Crow system that prevailed in the Panama Canal Zone. Since it was kept “under wraps,” we have yet to discover the exact dates this experiment was initiated and terminated but we have good reason to believe that the target population was the group of black workers nearing retirement during the late 30’s and 40’s. In Switzerland the spinal fluid was processed into a high-priced serum to be sold on the international market to any man who could pay for this remedy for whatever sexual incapacity problem he might have. We are quite certain that the proceeds from this nefarious trade never trickled back to the Westindian laborers that unwittingly donated their life’s essence. We have gathered from our sources that the “Back Punch” spinal taps were administered by GorgasHospital but that some “private” hospitals and clinics may have been involved as well. Again, exactly when these spinal taps were terminated is unknown at present but we are continuing our investigations. These kinds of practices should not come as a surprise, however, in light of the historical fact that the Panama Canal Zone Administration used this institutional arm twisting with great frequency on the Black West Indian workers. We recall clearly the Panama Tribune front page article entitled: “’No Strike Pledge’ or Get No Pay” which stated that“All P.C. (Panama Canal) and Railroad employees will be required to sign affidavits that they will not engage in strike against the United States government. – The third deficiency appropriation bill approved by President Truman.” This was published in The Panama Tribune, Sunday, July 28, 1946 issue and it pointed to the P.C. Administration’s habitual use of intimidation and institutional bullying tactics to achieve their desired ends- total submission to unjust policies on the part of Black workers on the Canal Zone. Knowing how important the retirement pension must have been to this large group of Black Westindian employees, it isn’t surprising that many, if not most, would sign a release permitting the good doctors at Gorgas Hospital to administer such an extreme medical procedure without the existence of a medical necessity.

 

Difference Breathes in Reality-Hope

Difference Breathes in Reality-Hope

 

Many say they cannot return home because things are so different. I see the difference. It is a painful yet hopeful difference. A difference in class that is very visible to the point that you ask yourself, Am I in the same country? A difference in where the progress “Progreso” of this country is seen in specific areas that does not come close to others.

Yet in the midst of this difference the people who are most affected, many who look like me, find a way to still smile, laugh and hope for something better.  

My heart feels all this reality but my eyes see beyond the broken buildings, the trash, the crime and the poverty. Hope sets in.

Every time I go home the first thing I do is visit the cemetery and place flowers on my uncles, aunts and my mother. After that happens my time home begins and in that moment I know I will learn something and feel something.

On my first Sunday home all Catholic Masses were dedicated to the sick. Daddy, Melsa, Tonio and I attended mass at my family church, San Jose Paulino. I feel so different about church when I am home. As I looked around at the faces of the elders, Mrs. Yearwood, Mrs. Juana, my cup feels full. Those faces, that church say, you are home Yvette.

The sermon was focused on love. It was speaking right to me, “El amor no tiene limites” Love has no boundaries. That is how I felt in that moment looking around the church where my family has been a member for many, many years.

As I moved through my lines for the film, I felt the energy of those warriors, Mandinga, Bayano and Mozambique come alive. I felt the pain of the women who faught for their children.

After a day of filming, I shared with Toshi and others that it takes me time to lift that energy not only because of the lines in the film but also because I feel the same energy when I walk in Colon, Dorchester or Roxbury. We are fighting and hoping everywhere.

I keep saying it but it is never enough, I am in love with Colon in the most unconditional way. The Buenos Dias nena, on my morning runs in Portobelo are priceless.

Toshi’s film and all those who are part of it, our small familia, Sheila, Jose, Sandra and Tosha, is unbreakable. The people who without hesitation said yes, “yo quiero ayudar”, I want to help, will forever have my respect.

Difference brings awareness; it elevates your sense to be clear about who you are and where you fit in.

One of our evenings out having dinner in Portobelo, I met this bright young man, Geñito. He shared what he is focusing on at the university. We began speaking about the progress in Panama and the division or difference it is bringing about.

The people of Colon are keenly aware of the differences that separate them from the haves and the haves not. They move with what they have and make the best of it. Material gain becomes less of a priority while peace takes over.

When I am home I crave wanting to be one with the people. I don’t want and won’t become one that cannot spend time in Colon. I If I do that, then it would go against what I write and feel. I am so blessed that my father supports this feeling and comes along and shares all my spaces with me. It is then that I also realize that my sister, my brother and I are blessed to know that not only the family is there for him but the community is also.

The difference that some may see I have with my people comes with no judgment. In Portobelo speaking to Geñito and Antonio, I kept saying, why do we not hear about these two bright minds. Antonio is one of the leaders in the group for the Festival de Diablos y Congos. I found their energy refreshing because sadly, young black men in Colon are mostly labeled as gang members.

These two future stars are members of a large community that seeks inclusion in the progress of the country.

When I stood there with my cousin Tonio as the Brasileiros practiced in Calle 7, I felt safe, I felt like I never left. When he announced I wanted to take pictures and video tape them, they began playing an old favorite of many. I started singing and everyone looked at me with a smile saying, “ella se recuerda de la cancion. She remembers the song.” Yes, I do, those songs were a soundtrack to my childhood.

On Martes Carnival, I was dancing and sharing with the people. I shared with a group of youth who were fascinated with my fro. That fascination led to a wonderful conversation about their hopes and dreams and how to take care of natural hair. While having a good time, everything came to a horrible end due to a shooting close by.

I saw the pain in the youths faces as they said their goodbyes. I felt heavy yet a sense of realness came over me as we gathered ourselves and went home. The next morning we found out a young man was killed.

I felt the pain overcome the joy. I felt the reality, that this is what our streets have become.

The difference of getting permission from my parents to jump comparsa as a young girl with no worries and then standing there as an adult not knowing if we will have a Carnival is real. It screams, times have changed but I pause with a cleansing breath and say but there is HOPE.

I know the difference, you can’t escape it but the spirit of this young Colonense girls lives deep within and every time she is reminded of that difference, nothing but love takes over for Mi Colon.

On Wednesday which was also Ash Wednesday and the Day of Baptism for the Diablos, the streets were filled with whistles alerting the coming of the Diablos. I got excited and once again had a wonderful exchange with a Diablo and then entered church with Daddy and Melsa for my ashes.

For the people of Colon that I sit and share with or look for long periods of time in their faces, their difference, their reality allows them to acknowledge it and move on.

When I shared this mural on the Soulful Afro page I wrote, “This mural stood out for me as I moved through Colon, saw the joy in the faces of the people and felt the pain when the celebrations ended due to a shooting. I hope to share my reflections of this time at home with all of you. My heart is full of love and pride for my people for they continue to find something good in their surroundings.”

A high school classmate and dear friend Terry Flynn commented, “Beauty among  pain and suffering is somehow more beautiful. It looks like hope. I am sad to hear about the shooting. I keep my thoughts and wishes with that city.”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My family always jokes that I think everyone one is good-looking and beautiful. That mindset has transferred into how I see the beauty in Colon.

The differences of my Colon have made me breathe in a reality that I never expected but I have learned to accept. In that acceptance I also chose to not get stuck in the past and gather new stories, new memories that continue to love this city that lives deep within me. Some may say it is naive I chose to say, optimistic and hopeful. The reality of Colon makes me breathe in HOPE that this too shall pass and hope will prevail.

May the ancestors continue to guide and protect my people.

 

Peace and blessings,

Yvette

 

 

 

FINAL DAY-"Infuse our Spirits" Celebrating/Reflecting on Martin Luther King Jr. Day with You- I HAVE A DREAM‏

For a week leading into MLK Day and the Inauguration of President Obama, we celebrated and reflected on the I HAVE A DREAM speech. You can visit our facebook page to see the posting leading to this final post.

Greetings familia,

“Auntie everything was moving” is what my 11 year old nephew Christiaan said when I asked him what stood out for him today.

What a wonderful day filled with promise.

I waited to send out today’s message and final posting later as we all soaked in the uplifting energy of President Barrack Obama’s Inauguration and the Celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I sat with my notebook watching the Inauguration wanting to capture the essence of the day through words.

The theme of the Inauguration was“Faith in America’s future”

Sen. Schumer said, “Americans are optimistic, problem solving people. It is time to renew our collective faith in the future of America.”

I was moved by Myrlie Ever Williams words, presence and elegance. Her words were not just religious but spiritual. “As we sing the words of belief, ‘this is my country,’ let us act upon the meaning that everyone is included. May the inherent dignity and inalienable rights of every woman, man, boy and girl be honored. May all your people, especially the least of these, flourish in our blessed nation. One hundred fifty years after the Emancipation Proclamation and 50 years after the March on Washington, we celebrate the spirit of our ancestors, which has allowed us to move from a nation of unborn hopes and a history of disenfranchised [votes] to today’s expression of a more perfect union.”

She went on to say, “their spirit infuse our being to work together with respect, enabling us to continue to build this nation, and in so doing we send a message to the world that we are strong, fierce in our strength, and ever vigilant in our pursuit of freedom.”

Many things stood out from Presidents Obama speech. He had many Dr. Kinglike moments.

I reached for my notebook when he said, “Today we continue a never-ending journey to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time. For history tells us that while these truths may be self-evident, they’ve never been self-executing; that while freedom is a gift from God, it must be secured by His people here on Earth.”

The Presidents words carried the boldness and brightness of the fabric of this country when he said, “We, the people, declare today that the most evident of truths –- that all of us are created equal –- is the star that guides us still; just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall; just as it guided all those men and women, sung and unsung, who left footprints along this great Mall, to hear a preacher say that we cannot walk alone; to hear a King proclaim that our individual freedom is inextricably bound to the freedom of every soul on Earth”

My father called me after the speech to share his thoughts. He said, what word did he use over and over again? I said what word Dad? and he said “WE.”

I received an email from Veena, one of the key members of the Encuentro Diaspora Afro family, who shared, “The President's speech included ME.”

I felt that also when he said, “Our journey is not complete until we find a better way to welcome the striving, hopeful immigrants who still see America as a land of opportunity; until bright young students and engineers are enlisted in our workforce rather than expelled from our country.”

Because my movement is both in and out of this country, I cannot help but hope that the energy that is uplifting our spirits today, the words of Dr. King and President Obama, will resonate in the waters of Panama.

This week, the UN highlighted Panama’s lack of recognition of history and rejection of its Afrodescendent community. As my friend Ruben Lorenzo shared, “Un gran Hombre es quien nunca se olvida de sus raices.”

We need to lift the energy of exclusion and hate in this country, in Panama and around the world. WE will know we are closer to that mountain top when we recognize our roots and are inclusive of all voices.

As we close out the celebration of the day, reflect on Dr. King’s words beyond today. Let us look to a future filled with promise. Let us all allow this fire to fuel our steps beginning tomorrow. I ask that WE continue on this road together and that we not give up hope.

Myrlie Evers Williams brought forth the energy of Dr. King's Dream. His light embraced her in a way that was moving and grounding. Her words continue to serenade me because they were filled with pain and hope.

Thank you all for joining us on this journey. May her words land on your heart. May we reach back for the energy of today as we take our next steps. May we see the promise of a just and inclusive future.

“There’s something within me that holds the reins. There’s something within me that banishes pain. There’s something within me I cannot explain. But all I know America, there is something within. There is something within.” Myrlie Evers Williams

In light,

Yvette

IMANI-FAITH-SEARCHING AND REACHING

IMANI-FAITH-SEARCHING AND REACHING

TO BELIEVE WITH ALL OUR HEART IN OUR PEOPLE, OUR PARENTS, OUR TEACHERS, OUR LEADERS AND RIGHTENOUSNESS AND VICTORY OF OUR STRUGGLE

Happy 2013 my beautiful People!!! Wishing you an abundance of love, health and prosperity in this New Year.

I hope you began this New Year with a smile on your face. Today our Kwanzaa celebration comes to an end but I hope that the principles move with us throughout the year. In each of the blogs the case was made for IMANI- FAITH in YOU and I hope you found inspiration in the people I shared along the way.

I look to a year where I will learn more from you, share more with you and grow in my unconditional love for you. IMANI-FAITH in you will always be present because I believe we are a great people.

Two words came to me while I moved through the first day of 2013, Searching and Reaching. I would like us to search beyond the words written in the books that do not speak our truth. We need to ask more question and we should not stop asking until we get the answers that moves our community forward. Let us not leave it up to others to define us. Reach for the best in ourselves and in each other. Let us step into our righteous light and know that we deserve good things.

IMANI- FAITH in you does not only come through good times. It is during the bad times that our IMANI-FAITH in each other, in our community, gets tested and it is at that time that we should reach for that unconditional love for each other and community.

I learned this year that nothing happens by accident and the search to find the meaning is beautiful, challenging and loving.

Every victory however small that allows us to look at each other and say, thank you my brother, thank you my sister is a collective victory.

May we continue to grow as a community. May we stand on the side of LOVE. Happy New Year familia!!! May the ancestors continue to guide us on our road to victory.

In light,

Yvette