Sitting with Pain and Fear; Reaching with Hope

I started the first part of this blog last year. I had so much to say yet I was sitting with such deep thoughts and pain that I did not feel the need to put it on paper. I felt that I needed to act on my feelings which led me to participate in two Black Lives Matters marches. Working through these feelings required movement, dance, which is one of the ways I regain my footing.

For weeks I have felt a level of confusion from those around me and close to me. We all want answers or they are those who want to ignore the truth. The wise part of my heart believes the sun will show up but it will take time. The younger part of my heart is filled with pain and a bit of fear. 

I ended the year being tested as an activist/educator/mentor by the young people of our HIS and HER Project. We have long dialogues on making the connection to what is happening outside, what is happening in their world and their community.

They knew I was marching and they knew I believed that ‘Black Lives Matter’ is about them and all shades of Latino youth. With great clarity and conviction they came to me saying, ‘Ms. Yvette we want to walk out in support of Black Lives Matter.’

The moment had arrived; they get it and want to do something about it. We met to plan the walkout. They were ready to do this.  I was afraid for them and what it meant to the school. I reached out to my mentors who supported me in supporting the students. This was their time to lead, to March.

On the day of the walkout I saw the light go on in students that many think are not consistent or present. This may be true but on that day, in the moment of connecting their reality, their day to day experience as Black, Latino youth, Black Lives Mattered.

The pain became less after sharing this experience with the youth but I was still feeling fear for my brother, nephews and all the Black men in my life. Overall, things felt out of hand.

The fact that we had to demand that black men be seen as human beings was striking to me. All the terms used to describe the men shot and killed were non human, animal terms. Is that how you see my brother? Is that how you see my nephew?

I was disappointed to see those I call friends and colleagues, dismiss this truth. Such statements as, ‘we all need to sit at the table and stop pointing fingers’ where made to dismiss this devastating pain. True, if there is recognition of the wrong doing. True, if there is acknowledgement of a reality that you do not live and may never understand. If not, then how can we sit at the table with someone who does not see us in our Human light?

For the young people of the HIS and HER Project and all the students who walked out and marched through the streets of Boston, it is a daily reality. It is the wondering when they will be followed around the store. It is the wondering when they will be harassed for hanging out. It is the wondering when the script in their head will really help them in an exchange with a police officer who is racially profiling them.

It is time to sit with truth and address the discomfort you feel in knowing that Black men are under attack. That it does not matter if they have a suit on, pants dropping or are the President of the United States. All these men have had to sit and plan what they need to do to remain alive in an exchange with a police officer. That is a reality. If you are unable to hear that then you are unable to see them in their human light.

I ended the year asking the question, what next? When will this stop?

I began the year with the word, Fearless. I found a definition that made sense to me and has been my guiding force.

I am afraid of the state of things and what it means to the safety of those I care for and those in the community.  I now acknowledge that fear in a way that allows me to see, confront it and work through it. This means, I will continue speaking the truth that many attack me for doing.

Let me say this as loud and as clear as I can, It is not about YOU! It is about a people that are not seen in their human light. It is about a people that are reminded on a daily basis that justice has not shown up at their doorsteps. It is about a people that after centuries of exclusion, lack of access, disparities and hate, have had their crowning light diminish.

This pain comes with fear but also with purpose and focus. This pain still finds time to dance and sing for that is the intersection of this Nubian Pana.

Peace and Light,

Yvette

Standing with Love and Light - Raising Our Voices/Alzando Nuestras Voces

Standing with Love and Light- Raising our Voices/Alzando Nuestras Voces


The energy of this blog comes from sharing the space with my hermanas and those who came out to support, share and learn at the NY event, The Status of Black Women in Latin America. It is also a cry to ancestors to protect and guide us during these trying times.

Being with this amazing group of women of the Red de Mujeres Afrolatinoamericanas, Afrocaribeñas y de la Diaspora, always reminds me what a special journey this is for each of us and the visual confirmation that we were dropped off EVERYWHERE. The energy of this realization brings forth a sense of comfort in the knowing that this pain, this truth can be shared and acknowledged when we come together. In this moment, as I hear Paola from Bolivia speak of what it feels like to walk out of her home and get asked, where did you migrate from? You feel her sense of exclusion and warrior like spirit to create a shift in the question and the answer, Yes, I am part of the fabric of this land. As we moved through this event and in speaking of our daily lives as Black Women from Latin America we realize, this is work to some, purpose to us and is bigger than all of us. This is love in its most sacrificing force.

We had moments in our dialogue that highlighted how much needs to be done. We are not close to the mountain top within our countries and as people of African descent. This brings me to say this out loud, not only as it relates to the panel but to the overall state of our existence as a people, it truly feels like Black people are under attack.

That is a strong statement and it is confirmed in the answers of each of us when asked, what happens when we step outside. As I shared earlier, Paola speaks of being excluded from the Afro descendant,Indigenous and white community in Bolivia. How she looks gets minimized down to where she migrated from with no acknowledgement that she is born and raised in Bolivia. It was not until 2009 that Afro Bolivians gained a constitutional recognition and it was only within the Indigenous context. Now it is about acknowledging their experience that is unique to the Afro descendant history. Paola is the Coordinator of the Network for Bolivia and the Lower part of the Region for the RMAAD. She speaks of an exclusion of a people that only becomes visible through dance and culture and is nonexistent in the areas of education and health. When I look at Paola and know how hard she works and how isolated she must feel in her daily movement, my love and respect for her grows more and more.

Lidice a young bright sister from Puerto Cabeza, Nicaragua spoke of the sexualizing of Black women being a violent attack on body and mind. When she walks out, she is seen and approached as a sexual object. Lidice shared that there have been times that the men come so close to touching her on the streets that she feels violated.

Nedelka our hermana from Honduras spoke of the conflict of being an educated Black woman fighting for human rights and how she has to fight harder than most to get her voice heard.

My response to the question of how it feels to walk outside, was that a day does not go by that I don’t have to explain myself from an African/Black perspective and as a woman from Latin America. It puts you on guard because some exchanges can feel like the rug was pulled from under you wanting to rip apart the root you strongly stand on.

As I stood translating and sharing their deepest thoughts, I kept thinking how the racism we face on a daily basis is violent to our being. The fact that we keep getting up and doing what we have been placed on this road to do with such passion speaks to the ancestors light shining bright.

Standing in this light and raising the voices of Black Women in Latin America brings us closer to understanding who we are as individuals, recognizing the sisterhood, the bond we share wherever we are standing.

It was clear that our struggle is not only with those outside of our community but also within. The within is complex and speaks to the chain being off our feet but still on our minds.

Lidice shared the struggle in the coastal communities of Nicaragua as to what is defined as ‘proper’ English. She celebrates and embraces her Creole tongue yet gets told not only from outsiders but from those within the community that she needs to speak ‘proper English’ to get anywhere.’ It’s English,!’ She says with Pride, ‘who decided what is proper and what is not.’ She continues this thought by posing the question, ‘why others can’t adapt to our way, why are we always adapting and rejecting what is ours?’ I loved Lidice’s spunk to just say what she had to say. Asi es querida!!

No panel with Black women can go on without speaking about our Hair. Others won’t leave our hair alone and we don’t accept or embrace our own hair. This is a ‘to each his own’ topic but for those who have Natural hair more often than not, it can become a political statement. A statement of full  acceptance.  To truly speak of embracing our Africanness means embracing how we were born. Lidice shared how women in Nicaragua are seen as ‘not beautiful enough’ when their hair is natural. She shared the story of a contestant who had natural hair when she entered the contest and as the contest went along, her hair was processed.

I added the disappointment of how our hair is now seen, may it be in Afro or braids as not professional or clean. This is what is happening in Panama. We have had two recent cases that are a true realization of moving backwards. A staff member at Copa Airlines had to fight to keep her job because her natural hair was seen as ‘unsanitary.’ The other case which touched me was that of an 11 year old who was told she could not come to school with her hair braided and if she does, she would need it to not be ‘exotic’ and going back in straight lines. Que locura! This is crazy! My heart and my support for this beautiful young woman runs deep for she will need a lot of love to have this moment not have a lasting negative impact on her image of self.

As we moved through all the issues that affect us as Black Women from Latin America we touched on the overall sentiment that seems to be very visible in all our spaces, that most want us to think that to be Black is ‘less than.’ The discussion then went into the terms used and embraced by our communities. Do we know what it means to be an Afro descendant? Do we ourselves run from the term ‘African’ because we hold a negative view of the continent? Do we see the unified voice in the term that removes the who is the ‘better Black.’?

Yes, I know these are thought provoking questions and based on the emails since the event; everyone in attendance was left with something to think about.

There was one question that was posed to us,why don't we have the same presence as the Indigenous community? that speaks to why Amilcar Priestley, a fellow Afro Panamanian, Director of the Afro Latin@ Project and I began planning this event.  The event was a way to bring the MY WORLD/MI MUNDO campaign into the community.

Amilcar and the Afro Latin@ Project has been a leading force in making sure our voices are heard and making our experience count.

‘The MyWorld/Mi Mundo 2015 is a campaign to encourage citizen participation in establishing a new set of Sustainable Goals. The purpose of us participating in this campaign is to encourage Afrodescendants communities to have a voice in deciding which development issues are most important such as health care, education, gender equality, climate change, freedom from discrimination and better job opportunities. 2015 has been marked as the International Decade of People of African Descent.’ Visit http://afrolatinoproject.org/votemyworld2015/ to learn more and to vote.

Other organizations to collaborating on the campaign and the event are, Red de Mujeres Afro, Encuentro Diaspora Afro, When and Where I enter Inc. and the CCCADI.

One of the topcis that got all sitting up in their seat was race relations in the Dominican Republic. This is an issue of the Diaspora that until fully addressed will be our compass.  This is our problem of the 21^st Century.

This uplifting yet thought provoking evening ended with a poem by our Afro Peruvian sister, Monica Carillo called ‘Pantera Negra.’ The poem speaks to how she feels attacked when moving through the streets as a Black woman from Peru.

Afro Panamanian songstress Mai-elka Prado of the Del Sonido Collective lifted our spirits with her soothing voice.  She was then joined by Afro Panamanian Percussionist Geraldo Flores who woke up the ancestors and sent us home feeling full.

This was truly a special evening where all present and all the women who shared their story stood with the Love of this calling and the light of those whose shoulders they stand on. That combination is a reminder that love is a guiding force and it runs deep in the face of the daily struggles we face in Raising our Voices/ Alzando Nuestras Voces.

We know no other way or better way to honor what we come from and who we are as Black Women from Latin America. We will keep reaching for that light and looking forward to the next opportunity to share it with you.

Peace and light,

Orgullosamente Afrodescendiente

Yvette

Michael Brown is my Hermano

Chalk this up to, my internal voice needs to sing out loud. There is so much going on around us, so much to speak on. Our focus then becomes how we uplift the spirit of our people, our community. Although external peace seems difficult at this time our hope is that our internal strength will guide us.

Like many, my heart feels heavy as we face another senseless killing of a young black man. There is an urgency to pause and say, that could have been……..

When an Afro Latino with my complexion gets on the bus their experience is no different from that of an African American of the same complexion. That is the skin color experience that supersedes the Afro descendant experience. It is a fact that we will have experiences rooted in societal bias and negative stereotypes. In saying that, my Song during this time is, Michael Brown in my Hermano.(Brother)

Michael looks like a young man from Panama, Colombia and Santo Domingo. One of the things that would make this different for any young man from these countries is that, with Spanish being their first language they would have said, ‘Tengo las manos arriba, no dispare!’ My Hands are up, Don’t Shoot.!

While we continue to name it a Black- Brown issue, organizations like Encuentro Diaspora Afro and other Afro Latino organizations, stand up to say, in thinking about my complexion, it is a Black-Black issue from the moment we step out of our homes. At this point speaking Spanish does not exclude us from these experiences.

If we understand this position and how that should change this ongoing Black-Brown narrative the next question is, where is the Latino community on the issue of our young men having these deadly experiences not based on their cultural identity but their racial identity?

What would you need to know and see to feel the pain of Michael Brown's family and the people of Ferguson? What does it have to look like for you to make a strong statement in English or Spanish about the senseless killing of our young black men? 

The statement is just a beginning. When will the face of the leading Latino organizations look like my Hermano from Panama, Colombia or Santo Domingo? When will it look like Michael Brown?

By not showing up in force, is it speaking to the implicit bias that Latinos come in one way? Brown is a name in Panama if you are of African descent. The Brown’s I know are Proud Latinos.

We are in a crisis. It is time to address our biases, our deeply rooted state of racial hierarchy even within our own community.  Until that time comes, I will keep reminding you that Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Eric Garner is my Hermano.

Rest in Peace my Hermano. You will never be forgotten by this Hermana.

In light and Hope,

Yvette Modestin

Founder/Director

Encuentro Diaspora Afro

Elevating the Voices of the Silvermen; Celebrating 100 Years of the Panama Canal.

A few weeks ago I began Facebook entries about the Silvermen and my family. The entries were a way of bringing you closer to a story that has not been fully told and that of my own journey within this territory we called the Canal Zone.

As I reflected before and after each piece I realized how lucky I was to have been hugged tightly by my family who taught me my worth beyond this so called privilege and made me understand that I am Panamanian of Caribbean descent and the many layers of that identity. 

As I grow as a woman, a writer and an activist, I embrace the fact that I loved my childhood and that I was on the receiving end of some privilege but still it was not what we fully deserved for the sacrifices that were made. 

So today with a full heart that I have done right for you at this moment in time, I pour libation for your sacrifice, guidance and light and I raise the glass for those who are still standing.

For You I will keep Singing Loud and Clear!

Peace and Love

Entry #1
They call it the Panama Canal. I call it one of the Wonders of the World that carries the sweat of my family. As we move to celebrate 100 years of this wonder, I will celebrate and honor my family, others close to me and my community; for they have defined the place we call 'Patria.'

Leading up to the August 15th, I will share a story, a picture, a song that I hope will bring you closer to the Soul of this journey. 

Modestin, Hyatt, Spence, Durant. I call out your name and Welcome your spirit of Resiliency, Hope and Love. Ashe O! 
For your journey has been the exclamation point in my narrative, has fueled my footsteps and fed my purpose.
Alaafia
Thank you

Entry #2
Honoring the Unbreakable Pride of African Caribbean Kings-More than 'Silvermen'

Papa can I touch your 'chichón'? Yes Yzette:) ( no one says my name better than my Papa) Tell me the story of your chichon Papa? With his French accent and sharp mind, my beautiful grandfather would share stories of the long hours working in the dark and not knowing when something would explode and if you would survive. He would speak of long hours working without a break but he knew he had to do this, for his family. 

Joseph Felix Modestin was from Vauclin, Martinique. He came from farm country and brought that same tradition with him. Papa was one of the great farmers in Gatun. Papa was born into slavery and left Martinque as a teenager. He lied about his age to get on that boat that dropped him off in Colon. This would begin the Modestin, Hyatt story in Panama. He was statuesque as he was almost 7 feet tall. My Papa moved with a sense of pride in what he came from and what he did for his family that was unbreakable.

Grandfather, who is that? Yvette, that is someone from the old country that came to visit. Grandfather you are good with numbers what is your secret? Always remember this, keep it in your head so no one can take it from you.

Stanley Spence was from Mandeville, Jamaica. I later learned that my beautiful dark skin grandfather, the one I visibly look like was a 'Numbers Man' and took care of a lot of people. He was a Lodge man and moved with a sense of style, grace and honor that made you take a second look.

These two men left a country they loved, to seek a better life. They found that in many ways but it did not come easy. They fled slavery and racism and found themselves facing another version of it that made them lean on that self worth, that Pride, that I saw growing up. My love affair with these two men runs deep. 

The Silvermen were laborers who knew about sacrifice. They knew they had to turn the other cheek to the racism and Jim Crow Laws imposed on them to take care of their families back home and the family and community they became a part of in Panama.

Silver was presented as the 'less than' object which is what they were paid with for 16+ hours in no more than 10 cents an hour.

My Papa and My Grandfather were never 'less than men.' They were not then and they are not now, for I will raise their name before anyone that doesn't know this truth. 

They are brilliant, Proud, African Caribbean men, whose hands were a part of building this wonder of the world. 


Entry #3
Honoring the Queen Warriors standing with the Silvermen

Open your hands wide then squeeze them tight. Now punch forward as hard as you can, boom,boom. Always protect your face. Michele, Yvette, you paying attention? Yes,Ata. Felix, you ready. Yes,Ata.
These were my maternal grandmother, Ethlyn 'Ata' Durant instructions on how to fight. She was preparing Felix to go back out and defend himself after being bullied.
My grandmother was FIERCE in a, I am woman but do not see it as weakness, I have unbeatable strength.
Ethlyn Durant was one of the few women in Colon who owned and ran a business. She was proud owner of a Chiva Bus. I saw this sassy woman move with an elegance and a pride that most feared. She was an example of a strong Jamaica and Barbados upbringing. She was about never bau your head to anyone. To be a known strong businesswoman was a big deal back then. To know that one of these woman was my fight loving, sassy, sexy grandmother, well, it doesn't get better than that. 

Mama Marie loved that fruit! Can I try it Auntie? Yes, Yvette. You know you were named after her. Yes, I know. Her picture was in every house. We heard stories about her all the time. I kept waiting to see her. As I got older I then understood that Mama Marie had passed away. Stories about her caring for her nine children, her community spirit and her gentle soul were an everyday occurrence in our family.
Marie Hyatt Modestin was a beautiful Martinican woman who loved her family. Although I never met her I walk with her stories and the pride of carrying her name. 

While Papa worked long hours like many of the other Silvermen, women like my two grandmothers kept the family and the community together. Let us not forget that next to these Kings stood these Queens, two of them a permanent fixture in my song. 

There is a Yoruba verse that says, nothing is complete, love, clarity and sweetness is not present without the presence of Oshun. Ethlyn and Marie brought that presence and for this I raise their name with pride. 

Entry #4

For your Light
For your Struggle
For your Resiliency
For your Pride
For your Love
We Salute you Today and Everyday
For you began the journey and we extend it by never bowing our heads
For we will forever elevate You
Proud Caribbean, Afro Antillano 

August 1st will now be the official day to commemorate 20,000+ Caribbean workers of the Panama Canal 

Entry #5 Rainbow City, Pedro Miguel, Paraiso and Gamboa

We didn't want for anything! Although these communities were the Canal Zone version of Jim Crow, apartheid, segregation it was our version of a loving, supportive, intellectual, hard working Village. Every neighbor took part in looking out for you. 

Christmas Day in Rainbow City was hands down the best! Everyone coming out with their version of a holiday get up with whatever toy they had that made noise then off we went.
All these communities were also a visual reality that we could do whatever we set our mind to do because we saw black teachers, doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers, managers, tug boat captains etc. we could do it all. We had amazing examples of dedicated mothers.

Whatever the intent behind waiting way past the US laws to desegregate the Canal Zone what it did was instill a sense of pride, resiliency, and commitment to never let down the struggle of the Silvermen. To all those who came out of these communities, stand up! Stand proud! Step with certainty into your light. 

Entry #6- Calling out their names, honoring the work- Panama Canal 100 Years
Libation
Peace all, I ask that after reading this entry, you pause and pour libation. Call out all the names, all the jobs and allow it to be heard in the depth of the waters of the Panama Canal.

In writing this entry, I embrace the gift that I am an extension of many voices. Today my Mother's and my Papa's sing above all.

One of my treasured moments with my mother was going with her to the Asilo de Anciano in Pilón. She would visit the retired workers of the Panama Canal many who did not have families. I was in awe of their grace and the character in their faces. 
My love affair with my Papa runs deep within. My Papa passed away on my 15th birthday. Since then I have celebrated my born day and his journey.

I pour this for your guidance and your strength!

Construction worker, Foreman, Locomotive Operator, Ladies Department in the Coco Solo commissary, Malaria Control, Claims Supervisor, Nurse for the Retired Workers, Line Handler, Teletype Operator, Time Keeper, Detention Guard, Canal Protection- Assistant Branch Chief. 
Michele-Control House. Yvette- Control House, Gatun Locks main office, Tugboat Office, Maintenance. Felix- Maintenance Division, Industrial Division - Oil, Industrial Division - Carpentry and Fitness & Recreation. 

These are the jobs that my family held in the 100 years of the Panama Canal including those of Michele,Felix and myself. As we celebrate this wonder of the world it is important to elevate the sacrifice of our ancestors, the work of our families and even that of our own role in this story. 

From the ship in Martinique, to getting off at the dock in Colon, 5th Street, to your hands being a part of this wonder, to Retiring as a Foreman of the Gatun Locks, you, Joseph Felix Modestin began this amazing story. 
Alaafia 


Entry #7-Honoring this Wonder of the World and the Silvermen- Panama Canal 100 Years

Today we celebrate the wonder of you, The Panama Canal and the journey of many resilient, dedicated Caribbean workers who built this wonder. 

To see it up close, to journey through these waters brings us all closer to you. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten. Your journey, your story will always be elevated by those whose are an extension of your greatness.

I dedicate this entry to all of you for paving this Unbreakable ground we walk on. To my father, Felix Zachary Modestin Hyatt, I raise the voice of that young man from Gatun in you who reached for that banana from a white Zonian tree that brought you closer to the divide yet today you stand with great Pride and Joy that you are a Zonian, that you moved beyond and that our family is part of this wonder that we celebrate today. 

Thank you for the whispers, thank you for the light.

Peace, love and Blessings
Yvette 

Critica Panama

http://shar.es/1nCzWA

BBC News

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-28594016