Reflection- Guerrera Spirit

Guerrera Spirit

“It is days like these when I stand with and before these amazing women, with the spirit of the ancestors, that my journey/purpose makes absolute sense.” 9/10/10

I shared that statement with friends at the end of the first day of the IV ONECA/CABO (Central American Black Organizations) Conference of Afro Central American Women. Our call for this conference was, “ La lucha con identidad de Mujer.”

Part of our work at this conference was to look closely at the UN documents such as CEDAW, CEPAL, Beijing, Durban and Belem do Para by posing some of the following question; do they speak to our reality? Are the governments responding to our needs as Women of African Descent?

Women of African descent in Latin America and the Caribbean are faced on a daily basis with issues of gender, race and poverty. We are constantly addressing how it affects us as individuals and how it relates to our communities.

HIV/AIDS, Prostitution, Trafficking, Immigration and Education were a few of the topics on our agenda. Violence against us and towards our communities was a topic that brought about many emotions.

How many of us are faced with racial violence in our work place or as we walk down the street? Many times we think it is random so we leave one job to go to a “saver” environment. We then realize that there is a stigma, a label that is placed on us as Black women that dismisses our performance.

Afro descendent women need to begin naming Racial Violence which would lead us to have deeper conversation of the long term effect. Moving in that direction, we can then challenge these documents to truly represent what we face by speaking on the internal pain and impact on our self esteem.

I spoke at the conference as a Panamanian woman and a woman of the Diaspora. It was my first time speaking publicly of an incident that filled my family with sadness. I felt a heavy wave of tears coming and in that moment, I felt her spirit, the spirit of my young cousin Gisela Crawford, holding my hand telling me it was time to tell her story.

Gisela was raped and killed in my home town of Colon. I speak of her because the system victimized her all over again. One, by posting the picture of her naked body in the newspaper, two, by not doing a proper rape test because there was no one available during Fiestas Patrias and three, by not wanting to touch her because she could be HIV positive. The lack of process, of outrage and education, led to not having an investigation on this brutal incident.

We ask that our governments develop a process that would better respond to human rights violations. As women in our perspective regions, we need to stand with all women who are faced with any level of violence that affects her well being.

As we prepare for 2011 which has been named, the year of people of African descent, Afro Central American women will continue to speak our truth.

When we come together we work hard, hold each other with care as we carry the weight of our communities on our shoulders and the spirit of our ancestors in our hearts.

The last evening of the conference, we celebrated the spirit of the Garifuna Guerrera Barauda. Barauda was the wife of the great Garifuna leader Satuye. They are stories that speak to her courage while standing next to Satuye during Hondura’s time of war against the British.

That Guererra spirit lives deep in the women who fight for the visibility, recognition and empowerment of the Afro Central American community. You hear it in their voices, see it as they stand and speak their truth, when they walk with pride and hold you with love. I commend one of our guererras, Mirtha Colon, who leads the women’s division of ONECA/CABO for moving with that energy.

We, women of African descent, move to the beat of our ancestral drum. It does not matter how tired we are at these conferences, we always leave celebrating and dancing. When we dance you see grace, joy and an ability to get down low like no bodies business.

Guerrera Spirit moves with those women who fight hard, love hard and see the light that leads to justice for our communities.

La lucha continua,

Peace
Yvette

Reflection-Grounded in Blackness

Reflection- Grounded in Blackness

Honoring my Mother

In continuing to share my internal dialogue out loud, I share my Reflection, Grounded in Blackness. In writing on this week, I celebrate my mother on her birthday and honor her on the anniversary of her passing. Thanks Mama for grounding me in my Blackness.

I write this with a Malcolm X phrase in mind. Malcolm X stated many times, “Being Pro Black does not mean I am anti-white, it just means I am Pro Black.”

I ask myself and you, what does that mean for people of African descent today?

What does it mean to the community we live in? What does it mean to you?

What led me to ask these questions and continue repeating Malcolm X’s words were a few incidents and moments that have left a lasting impact.

In telling one of the stories, I hope I bring you along to the realness of the pain I felt at that moment and since.

I was on a bus in the community. A Latina, visually to me, of African descent, was sitting in the front with her two children. The little girl was so charming that we had already chatted while waiting. Soon after an African American woman came in with a baby carriage.

She looked at the Latina woman and said, get up. She did not say please or excuse me just, get up. The Latina woman looked at her and would not move. The stand off prohibited others to enter the bus.

Finally another Latina woman said, “sientate aqui,” sit here. The woman with her two children seemed to be struggling deeply with moving but she finally did.

Everyone began to enter. An elder West Indian woman was one of the first to
enter. One thing I have learned with my West Indian elders is that they will speak their mind and she was no different.

With her strong presence and accent she said, “cho, that child fresh, I would not move, me move with that rudeness, cho.” I kept saying to myself, this is getting uglier.

My luck, the West Indian woman sits next to me. Now I feel that I am fully engaged in the situation. She keeps going on about how rude the woman was. The African American woman then directs her words to the West Indian woman. She yells, “shut up, go back on the boat that you came from with your stupid accent.”

Ouch, I thought. There was no need to go there, this is getting really bad. I then look at the West Indian woman and in my own Caribbean accent said, “Maam, please let go, this is not good and you should not be spoken to that way.” She looks at me and says, “Sweetie, you West Indian” I say yes, Maam, my grandparents are. That was her introduction to share her disgust with what she was seeing and hearing.

I am thinking this is done then, the African American woman directs another statement to her and says, “you don’t belong here, go back to where you came from.”

This situation becomes deeply painful to me. Why? All these women are connected, connected in their Blackness, connected in their history as people of African descent.

My spirits is on fire as I sit with this pain. I know I will need to say something. I have already calmed down the woman next to me. The Latina woman’s daughter was looking at me for comfort through the entire incident. I then feel the need to connect with the sister at the front.

My stop is coming up so, I stand and move closely to the front, I slowly step next to her and say, “Sister, the next time you tell anyone to go back on the boat to where they came from and that they do not belong here, ask yourself, how did you get here, peace.” I slowly walked off and have not been able to shake off the visual pain of the incident.

I ask again, what does it means to be grounded in Blackness or Pro Black? Why did I see the connection?

First, Being Pro Black means loving self and loving my Black brother and sister unconditionally.

Pausing for a moment, I know that putting this out is thought provoking and may mean some isolation but there is a sense of freedom that hugs you when you are speaking truth to your own reality. This is not the time for easy conversations if we really want to transform our world.

I made a list of a few things that answer the question for me at this moment in my life.

Being Grounded in Blackness means;

-Feeling the pain of all who face the inequality and racism that exist in our society.

-Feeling responsible for the city that shaped me. Acknowledging the obstacles it faces and looking at those who say, “I cannot go there” that I can because that is who I am and what I come from.

-Naming the Health Care disparities that exist that places my family in the position to fight for the best treatment for my nephew who is battling cancer.

-Loving a Black man and all he brings to the table.

-Hugging my nine year old nephew and letting him know that he is bright and can think outside the box.

-Telling my niece everyday that she is FABULOUS.

-Feeling the hurt of any Black woman who is rejected by any Black man for the stereotypes that have been placed on us, such as, too aggressive, confrontational and not those that speak to our depth as, survivors, loyal and loving.

-Acknowledging the deeply rooted Institutional racism that exists in the Americas and naming those who benefit from the division in our communities.

-Telling my girls from the H.E.R. Project and every young girl of color, that they are strong and intelligent.

-Embracing, learning and acknowledging a spiritual philosophy that has been labeled as devil worshiping.

-Standing strong while you sit with your discomfort as we continue to face the inconsistencies in health care, education and economics.


-Feeling responsible for not being home to push back at those who think Colon is what it is only because of the people. Colon is not in the state that it is only because what many say, the people are lazy, the crime, which I acknowledge is really bad, but also because the government has forgotten about the people specifically those who make up the majority of the community.

-Loving the texture of my hair, the curve in my hips and the rhythm of my soul.
Grounded in Blackness is not being taken off the path that people of African descent will be loved, held, acknowledged for the work and the depth that we awake to everyday.

These are many questions and thoughts as we transform and grow. Once your eyes are open you see so much and feel so much that there is no going back.

Some others;

-Walking in Chota, Ecuador and crying from the deep sense that we were and are here.

-Continue to learn about my family and sharing the real story.

-Defining myself, my identity.


-Walking away from your insult because nothing you can say, including, “ I have a Black friend” can change the fact that you crossed the line.

-Knowing that those who walk close to me and have had a lasting impact on me who are not Black find our similarities, our humanness, but in opening my eyes to the reality of my childhood and my experiences as an adult, that our roads take different destinations when my Blackness come into play.

-Not loosing focus to the discomfort of others who refuse to hear our reality.

-Believing in my power to change and give to my community.

I give thanks to my mother for leaving a legacy of being proud and not allowing anyone to shake that, for showing me the connection between every Black Panamanian, leading me on a deeper search of that unity. Thanks, for the gift of seeing myself in Nicaragua, Belize, Ecuador and the women of Nigeria.

Thanks Mama for supporting my need to break down the barriers that I saw as a child, for reminding me to take my shoes off to be one with my teammates on the track team and for sitting us down as a family to watch Sounder.

I will continue to build a list and walk with the spirit that keeps me Grounded in my Blackness. Build your list and allow yourself to be free.

Peace and love,
Yvette

Reflection-We Believe!!!-Introducing the Young Women of Tomorrow

The H.E.R. Hermanas Exchanging Roots cycle at Community Academy has been simply, Priceless. We have all learned from each other and know that this space will have a lasting impact on all. These young women have realness about life that most adults do not and they brought it to the space.

The curriculum covers such topics as racism, roots, light skin/dark skin, good hair/bad hair?,women who inspire and violence. We also discuss currents events as shopping while black, music lyrics and it representation of women of color, the NY city mural and Howard Stern’s comments about the Precious actress.

I introduce to you, Ms. Justine Grace. Ms. Grace is the Counselor at Community Academy. Her presence and commitment in the school and group made it a success.

In their own words, raw and honest, are the Reflections of these amazing young women. With Pride and joy, I introduce to you a few of The Young Women of Tomorrow whose words will move you, bring you closer to the reality of our community and make you believe that the message of Self-Love lives in them and we will have the next Maya, Alice, Ana Irma and Michele’s of tomorrow.

When you see this girl

When you look in the eyes of this girl
Tell me what you see

Do you see a girl who has been hurt or a girl full of success?
Do you see a girl who gives up on life and sometimes the people around her?

Do you see a girl who has witnessed deaths?
Do you see this girl who wants to be a lawyer?
Do you see a girl with attitude and an excellent personality?

When you look at this girl and you have her look in the mirror and she
sees her reflection,
She tells you she sees a ugly girl who won’t amount to anything in life,
Then she turns around and shouts out, I am nothing but a ugly girl,

You see, she has low self esteem, no matter how much her family is by
her side.
You look at this girl and see a young African American girl who can be
someone in life.

You tell her your life story, she tells you hers
Then you realize that this girl does believe in herself after letting
everything out.

She looks back in the mirror and whispers, this girl I see is the new me,
This girl is Myshelle Bey.







Looking back at the year has brought back lots of memories for me. Seeing the change in each of you is the reason I do this work. We touched upon so many different topics this year, all discussed for a reason. The goal with every group is that you listen to each other, learn something about yourself; about your peers and that you develop into responsible and successful young women.

Wednesday’s are something I’ve been looking forward to all year. The relationships I have built with each of you are priceless. Each and every week, the goal was always that you took something away from the topics we discuss. From Coping with Stress Anger Management and Zumba to “Shopping while black,” sharing about your families and the latest topic Dating Relationships, you have all been open and honest. Thank you for your contributions to the group.

One thing I would like to acknowledge is the RESPECT you have shown each other. I know all of you have not always gotten along, but for whatever reason, none of that has come out in-group. You have also taken the most important group rule of confidentiality very seriously and I commend you for that. Another important aspect of being in this group is that you have learned how to: listen to others, respect other’s opinions, share and open up about yourself, dedicate your time, be part of a positive activity, function as part of a group which prepares you for college and adulthood and hopefully you learned something about yourself. The connections you have made in the group are extremely important because every time you shared your personal stories, someone else could probably relate and your sharing made them more comfortable. These experiences you will remember for years to come.

Community Academy is a unique school because of the make-up of students. Each of you has come from another school after a mistake you made in your original school. Others may have chosen to be here. Regardless, each of you has tried to make the best of the situation and the limited resources in this building. I know it hasn’t been easy and although you complained sometimes, you still hung in there.

Memories and lessons I’ve learned from the year: field trips, Pine Manor, our lunchtime “chats”, talking sports with my girls especially the Celtics, eating lots of pizza, sharing with each other, opening the bathroom and clearing out the bathroom, medications, crying, hallway duty, millions of cell phones and headphones, “Can you charge my phone Ms.”, I’ve seen you grow, you have tested my patience but this has helped me grow as person dedicated to helping students, but most importantly I will remember your beautiful smiles and the sound of your infectious laughter.

I thank you beautiful, strong and resilient young women for this invaluable experience. Remember, study hard and dream BIG!!! Never give up on your goals and never be afraid to ask for help.


LOVE, Ms. Grace

Sheneka”... When I think about my name and what it means, the following characteristics come to mine; strong, intelligent, independent, hardworking, determined, and successful person. These qualities will guarantee my success. Outside factors like not having much of a family and other things I’ve been through in my childhood are what make me who I am. My mother is a strong person and that part I got from her. She had a rough childhood and she has taught me to be tough and strong because she got through life doing that and it has worked out in her favor. I see myself graduating, giving birth to a healthy child, and then attending college.
The things I value are my unborn daughter, life, and helping people that are in need. I value my daughter because she will be a big part of my life and she’ll be my motivation. I value my life because there aren’t many people who have an opportunity to be in my shoes or even have the chance to go to college. My child will depend on my guidance. I value giving others help because this quality will be beneficial for my social work career.
In six years I will be living somewhere in Massachusetts with a husband and children. I will have a master’s degree in psychology and early childhood education. I will have a job in that field and will make enough money to live comfortably. Right now my first goal is graduating from high school.
I know that I will live a life that I am satisfied with due to my eagerness to succeed. Dedication is another good quality I have and I think people should have that too. When I set a specific goal for myself and I know it’s something I’m highly interested in, then I will dedicate myself to it and finish until the end. Social work is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was a younger child.

Sheneka- Community Academy 2010 Valedictorian

My first thought about group was all these girls from different places coming together as one is not going to be good. I told myself to go with open ears and try to understand everyone’s point of view.

I was very surprised seeing all the girls getting along so well and talking about their personal problems with others. I was shocked but happy because now a days girl’s do not get along.

To me, group is a place for me to get away and just be myself no matter what. I trust and look forward to these girls. They are always here to listen and give good advice to anything.

Ms. Grace and Ms. Yvette are my mentors. You are both classy and well respected women and I look up to the both of you for everything you have done for us. You time out of your days to come and spend time with us teens, to hear what we have to say. That means a lot to me because a lot of adults don’t give us the time to express or explain ourselves.

To the public we are troubled kids but you both see us as young women that need to be heard. I looked forward to group because I felt understood.

I wasn’t just a young lady that made bad choices but I was now someone being heard. I am happy to be a member of Community Academy’s girls group.

I am truly going to miss the girls and Ms. Grace and Ms. Yvette. You are a group of beautiful, powerful and inspiring women who have helped me learn to respect myself and others more. I also accept nothing but the best and know that I will receive that I give out.

Thank you ladies so much. I will miss you all.

Rayana

Started as an invitation,

Fully unaware of what I was getting into.
But as I met up with the girls, I realized that I was becoming part of a girls group.

A group that does not discriminate against race, religion, or appearance,

A place where your secrets and opinions are safe and will not be judged,

An experience that not many girls have the opportunity to witness,

Coming together, having fun and receiving knowledge on multiple topics that we all could relate to.

With the guidance of two beautiful successful women,

Kind hearted enough to be concerned about our inner feelings.

Because of this, I will continue to be part of the group even as, a high school graduate.

I honestly enjoyed myself and can validate that if you take a chance, you won’t regret it!!

Shakeila


An experience from the group that I will remember and consider my favorite was going to the Wang Theater to see the Alvin Alley Dancers.

We had a good time at Margianos. This happens to be one of my favorite experiences because of how entertaining the show was. It was my first time seeing a show of this nature. Then we took pictures to remember this special night.

After this experience, I went to group a week later and enjoyed that we spoke about our problems and the conversation about shopping while black.

I remember Ms. Grace telling me almost every day, come to group, you will like it.

That one day made a difference, I had fun.

Tammerrah


My time in group was fun and interesting. I mean in a lot of ways, I never knew I had thing in common with Rayana. I know I started this program late but still to me it feels like I can connect with some of the girls in the group, no matter how many of them go or not.

When we went to go see the Alvin Ailey performance, my first thought was, uh oh, for the simple fact that we all know who we like and we don’t like.

The overall day was good. As we all sat at the dinner table, no one had any animosity or anger towards each other. We just all sat around and had conversations, laughed, joked around and made agreements. This was a plus.

The field trip was my first time hearing about Alvin Ailey. When I saw them dance, my thought was Wow. I mean their dancing was incredible and fun. So the trip was a good way to enjoy yourself with a bunch of females from different places, cultures and ethnicities.

A girls group was really not my “thing” in my old school. To me it seemed a like counseling and I don’t really like counseling that much. Yet, me coming to this group made a difference.

I feel comfortable with myself, confident and I respect myself and the people around me. Being around others who have been through a lot and keep their heads high is a big inspiration to me.

The group has helped me a lot and brought me to a point where I would convince other girls to do it. So I thank you all for this experience.

Myshelle Bey


Sisters, the word sister represents a bond between females. I never really became close to females because of the drama. I’ve never changes my circle of friends because that is what I am use to.

But after coming to group, I realized that they are other females that are going through if not the same thing, almost the same thing that I go through.

We have learned to open up and share with each other which I really do not do. I also made some good friends. These girls were there for me on days when I was down and didn’t really know it. Just being able to have someone listen to me and everything I had to say made a big difference.

I just want to say thanks to the girls, Ms. Grace and Ms. Yvette for being there.

Rachel


I hope that the words of these talented, beautiful, resilient young women will have you believing in a brighter future for our communities.

We are showered with a sense of pride as we share these words. We believe that they will succeed because as simple as it may be to some, it was important to them that we stopped and listened.

Peace

Yvette

Reflection-PRIDE- Black History Month in Panama 2010

Reflection- PRIDE- Black History in Month in Panama 2010

My reflections are usually longer because I can find the words. This one is short because my heart does not want to let go of the time I just spent at home.
I think this time the pictures will speak for me and the word PRIDE will jump off the page at you.

Pride after this trip means,

P anamanian
R esiliency
I nclusion
D etermination
E nthusiasm

My cup runeth over for everything that it means to be Black Panamanian, to be from a people that continue to get back up as things keep coming at them, to see our ability to be inclusive as we move forward, to be determined to change the image of our dear city Colon and to dance and sign as we celebrate our full self.

Proud to be a part of such a special project-I was home to film my part in the documentary film, Cimanoraje en Panama by Toshi Sakai. After meeting with Toshi for the first time I felt his love for the people of Portobelo and the Congo community. That love alone made me say, yes.

Filming in Portobelo and Isla Grande was simply special. Sandra Eleta, our host is a Portobelo treasure. She has dedicated her life to this community. You see it in her eyes and feel it in her presence.

Coming together with Toshi, Sandra, Sheila, Arturo, Janina and Ali, was a celebration, a validation, of my deep connection to this community. The people show and express nothing but love and all you can do is give it back.

Proud to be Felix Modestin’s daughter- Not many of us get to share our work, our passion with our parents. My Dad has joined me on this journey to seek truth, justice and celebrate our blackness. There is nothing better than to see the pride in his face. It brings out the Frenchman in him, the Zonian in him and the Modestin in him. This has rubbed off on his wife, Melsa, who finds such joy in dressing like an African Queen and that she is.


My work has given me the opportunity to see my father on another level. Painful stories of the impact of segregation on our family keep pouring out. Joyous stories of his childhood in Gatun speak to why when they get together, there is nothing but love in their faces. The pride in our family history allows him to take me on a ride to see the location of the Port in Calle 5 where my grandfather and many other Caribbean workers arrived to Panama.

Moments with my father are a realization that this is bigger than me, bigger than us. We are telling a story of a people that had no voice.

Proud to be from Colon- On the official day of Etnia Negra en Panama May 30th, Colon shines. As I shared before I left, it is a day that we stand taller on the shoulders of our ancestors and for that one day, all the bad that is said about Colon gets put aside for us to celebrate our blackness.

We do it in style as you will see. The women are gorgeous and the men are handsome. We dance a lot. Boy do we dance!!!! One of the parade songs by the Banda Municipal was “Brown Girl in the Ring.” You could not help but high step with the beat.

Planning this parade and all the events takes the entire year. We have a wonderful group of people in the Fundacion Etnia Negra de Colon. One of the members is a childhood friend, Selvia Miller. Selvia was always determined to do something good and she has. I am so proud of her and the other members. Selvia’s leadership has expanded the celebrations into the schools where there is a deeper conversation and community events which is inclusive of all the black communities in Colon.

All this pride is seen and felt all over Panama. Being home to share with my people, the people that have shaped me, builds nothing but a heavy heart of love.
So I stand proud and share with you, the Black Panamanian community. Enjoy!!

Peace
Yvette